Pinkie Had an Accident
by Hark431
Summary: After a serious injury, Pinkie pie vows never to go outside again. Re-edited from original story due to editing concerns. All rights go to respective owners


**I do not own any of the characters or plots. All rights go to their respective owners**

 **I Had an Accident**

 **Derpy:** _[screaming, bashes body on mountain. The word DEAD flashes]_

 _[we zoom out, revealing that Derpy is only playing a video game with her character while snowboarding down a Mountain]_

 **Derpy:** Aww, I got dead again! This game stinks! _[screams and bashes body on mountain just like on her game]_

 **Applejack:** See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain.

 **Pinkie:** I'm listening to you, mountain! Don't eat the yellow snow, Derpy!

 **Derpy:** Oh, yeah, I forgot. _[eats yellow snow on a plate]_

 **Pinkie:** Hey, Applejack, watch me do the "Grouchy Gilda"!

 **Gilda:** _[sits at a table drinking tea close to the mountain]_ Stop naming moves after me!

 **Pinkie:** _[imitating Gilda]_ Everypony's a loser except for me.

 **Gilda:** Well, it's true.

 _[Pinkie laughs like Gilda, which makes Applejack and Derpy laugh really hard]_

 **Applejack:** _[gasps]_ Pinkie! Look out for that tree!

 **Pinkie:** Huh? _[avoids tree]_ Don't worry girls, everything is under control because I'm an... _[goes off mountain]_ expeeeeeeerrrt...! _[suddenly stops in mid-air]_ Huh, that's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down! _[camera reveals that Pinkie is upside down and not the mountain and she screams]_

 **Applejack:** Pinkie! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!

 **Pinkie:** _[takes off her tail]_ Like this?

 **Derpy:** No, your other bottom!

 **Applejack:** Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

 **Derpy:** Not until 4:00.

 _[Pinkie crashes into the ground and her flank breaks into tiny pieces]_

 **Applejack:** Ooh, that's gotta hurt!

 **Derpy:** Do it again! I wasn't looking!

 _[Cuts to the doctor's office]_

 **Doctor:** Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery.

 **Pinkie:** My what has a what now?

 **Doctor:** Your flank's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took 20 hours to put it all back together. _[an X-Ray of Pinkie's flank taped and glued together is shown]_ We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, luck mare. But from now on, Id like you to be more careful. One more injury like that and you could wind up like that poor creature there. In the Iron Flank.

 **Fluffy Clouds:** _[in the Iron Flank]_ : Aww, man. It itches!

 **RPinkie:** _[outside hospital]_ You heard the doctor, Pinkie. One more injury like that, then it's the iron flank! I've been too careless back there. From now on, no more hijinks. _[To Octavia]_ Hep, hep, hep! Stay away from the backside I'm warning you!

 **Octavia:** What's your problem?

 **Pinkie:** Whew. That was close!

 **Football Player:** Hey, Pinkie, why don't you join us? We need an extra player. _[another football player catches a football]_ Nice catch, Percy! _[slaps Percy's bottom, Pinkie screams]_

 **Minuette:** Hey, Pinkie! you've gotta try this! We finally got enough ponies for a seven-mile kicking machine! _[crawls between ponies legs, who each take turns kicking her flank]_ Ha, ouch! Ha, ouch! Ha, ouch.

 _[Pinkie screams again, and runs off]_

 **Gilda:** Is this where the line starts?

 **Pinkie:** My flank is not safe out here! _[runs inside her room and closes the door]_ No part of me is safe!

 _[Derpy and Applejack are laughing, after returning from another snowboarding trip from the mountains]_

 **Applejack:** Ride 'em, cowgirl! _[enters Sugarcube Corner]_ Hey, Pinkie!

 **Derpy:** _[still laughing; Applejack stares at her and she stops laughing]_ That was fun.

 **Applejack:** Hey, Pinkie, ready to go snowboarding again? Pinkie?

 _[Pinkie is sitting in a fetal position in the middle of the floor, flat-maned, with a bucket of turnips, a pile of rocks, and a sack of flour lying on the floor in front of her]_

 **Pinkie:** _[with a little smile on her face]_ Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world?

 **Applejack:** Whatcha all doing sitting in the middle of the floor like that?

 **Pinkie:** Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you girls were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again.

 **Applejack:** That's crazy talk!

 **Derpy:** That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! _[gibberish blabbing, and Applejack puts a pot over her head and kicks it to shut her up]_ Sorry.

 **Pinkie:** No, Derpy's right, AJ. You saw what happened and next time it won't just be my flank, it'll be my hindleg or my forehead.

 **Derpy:** Or your other hindleg!

 **Pinkie:** I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a pony. What was I thinking? Snowboarding…My people are quadrepeds

 **Applejack:** Just sitting in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome?

 **Pinkie:** I won't be alone, so I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Mr. Turnip, Rocky, and Madame le Flour

 **Applejack:** How do Mr and Mrs. Cake feel about this?

 **Pinkie:** No problem! I already live here in the bakery, so I can keep working

 **Applejack:** What about eating?

 **Pinkie:** I live in a bakery! I'll just eat cupcakes forever. _[eats a cupcake with her eyes creepily drifting apart from each other]_

 **Applejack:** Pinkie, sooner or later you're gonna have to go outside!

 **Pinkie:** Listen, I've told you but I'm never leaving my house again.

 **Derpy:** Never ever?

 **Pinkie:** Never ever ever!

 **Derpy:** Never ever ever ever ever for never ever?!

 **Pinkie:** Never ever never never ever ever never!

 **Derpy:** Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!

 **Pinkie:** _[sighs exasperatedly]_ Never ever...

 **Pinkie and Derpy:** Never never never never ever never ever never…

 **Pinkie:** Alright, Derpy, that is enough! Rocky, will you mind showing these two to the door? _[throws a rock to the door and Applejack and Derpy leave]_

 **Derpy:** Thank you, Rocky. _[outside]_ I guess I'll to have to find a new best friend. Hey, Gilda!

 **Gilda:** No!

 **Derpy:** Oh.

 **Applejack:** Don't worry Derpy, we'll get Pinkie to come outside, and then she'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.

 **Derpy:** And that's when I punch her, right? _[Derpy has a punching glove on her foreleg as Applejack gives a bummed look. Derpy and Applejack are parasprite-fishing outside Pinkie's house]_

 **Applejack:** Look at all the parasprites out here! Too bad Pinkie's missing out on all the fun!

 **Derpy:** I caught one! _[puts her head in net and her parasprite sticks to her face preparing to bite]_ Huh?

 **Pinkie:** _[Derpy screaming in background]_ Look at those fools. Risking their lives, parasprite-fishing! My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it Rocky? Dust collecting! _[puts on a pair of glasses and a tiny net and waves it in the air]_ I think I caught one!

 **Applejack:** We've got to try something else!

 _[Applejack and Derpy are holding a cake in front of Pinkie's house]_

 **Applejack and Derpy:** Three cheers on your birthday, Pinkie! Three cheers for you!

 **Applejack:** Now you got to blow out the candles and make a wish.

 **Pinkie:** I don't need the wish, Madame le Flour. Everything I could ever want is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the joy of staying indoors. I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charms. Indoors! Indoors! Indoors! Take it away, Madame! _[the flour lies silently on the floor]_

 **Pinkie with a French accent** : Indoors

 **Derpy:** _[snifflies]_ That flour has the most beautiful voice.

 **Applejack:** That is it, Pinkie Pie! We're gonna find you something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside!

 **Applejack:** _[jumps on a trampoline]_ Trampoline!

 **Derpy:** _[holds a muffin]_ Muffin!

 **Applejack:** _[surfs on a wave]_ Surfing!

 **Derpy:** _[holds two muffins]_ Two muffins!

 **Applejack:** _[rides on a Ferris wheel]_ Ferris wheel!

 **Derpy:** _[the two muffins growing stale]_ Still two muffins!

 **Applejack:** _[struggling with a Timberwolf]_ Timberwolf wrestling!

 **Derpy:** _[washes Granny Smith in a tub]_ Washing an old pony!

 **Applejack:** Derpy, that's not fun.

 **Granny Smith:** It is for me!

 _[Applejack and Derpy watch eat her cupcake with a creepy look on her face from outside]_

 **Applejack:** Nothing's working, Derpy!

 **Derpy:** What do we do?

 **Granny Smith:** I say we take a bath!

 **Applejack:** Wha...Granny go home!

 _[Applejack and Derpy are hiding behind a bush and Derpy is in a gorilla suit]_

 **Applejack:** Now remember. Don't jump out until I give the signal!

 **Derpy:** Right! _[she zips up her mask]_

 **Applejack:** All right, Pinkie. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Derpy! _[Derpy comes out in the gorilla suit and acts crazy like a gorilla]_ Eek! A gorilla! Save me, Pinkie!

 **Pinkie:** Okay, girls, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even Rocky knows that's Derpy in the same costume that she wore for Nightmare Night last year.

 **Applejack:** No, really! You've got to come and save me! _[Suddenly, a second Derpy shows up out of nowhere with a muffin]_

 **Derpy #2:** Hey, Applejack, Who's your friend?

 _[Pinkie gives a startled look]_

 **Applejack:** But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit.

 **Derpy #1:** I am in the gorilla suit. _[unzips the gorilla suit]_ I thought I was doing a pretty good job.

 **Applejack:** If you're Derpy, then who is that?

 _[The second Derpy unzips her head, which reveals a real gorilla underneath!]_

 **Applejack:** Ah! A real gorilla!

 **Pinkie:** Huh? _[Pinkie's mane suddenly re-inflates. The gorilla rips out of the Derpy suit it is wearing. Applejack and Derpy are screaming. The gorilla grabs Applejack and Derpy and puts them in a bag and repeatedly beats them]_ Oh, my gosh! _[Applejack and Derpy are still screaming]_ This can't be happening! _[The gorilla beats Pinkie's two friends senselessly in the sack]_ This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! _[the gorilla can be seen still beating up the sack outside the window; it also does things like dribbling the sack and bouncing on it like it's a ball]_ Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the dangers of outside. Yes, Rocky, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do without the name calling, thank you very much, Mr. Turnip! I know, Rocky. If I was out there, bagged by an ape, Applejack and Derpy would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back alive, Mr. Turnip, take good care of Gummy.

 **Gummy:** _[eats , killing him]_

 **Pinkie:** Well, here we go. From the safety of my home, to the outside world. _[opens the door and steps out]_ I'm taking my first step. So far, so good. I think I can do this! _[the wind blows a piece of paper onto her face; Pinkie screams]_ Oh, dear Celestia, get off of me, get off of me! Rocky! Help me, help me! _[Gilda waters her plants and rolls her eyes and Pinkie removes the paper off her face]_ I'm still alive! I did it! I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now! _[the gorilla grabs Pinkie]_ Is it too late to go back inside again? _[the gorilla rips Pinkie in half]_

 **1st half of Pinkie:** It's too late. _[the gorilla screeches]_ Applejack? Derpy?

 **Applejack and Derpy:** _[still in the bag]_ Yes, Pinkie?

 **1st half of Pinkie:** I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas right now.

 **Applejack:** _[shaken]_ Ah, that's okay, Pinkie. Us too.

 **1st half of Pinkie:** You know what I don't understand though?

 **2nd half of Pinkie:** What?

 **1st half of Pinkie:** What's a gorilla doing in Ponyville in the first place? _[the gorilla's eyes widen]_

 **Gorilla:** _[man's voice]_ Oh! Well, it's funny that you should...um...uh...George, they're onto us! _[A zebra rushes onto the screen]_

 **George:** Let's get out of here! _[the gorilla gets on George and rides away with him. Derpy, Applejack and the 2 halves of Pinkie are watching the gorilla ride on George into the sunset. The screen zooms out to reveal a family watching the episode on TV in bemusement. The father turns to the mother and gives her a confused look, he shakes his head, and turns off the TV]_


End file.
